What's in a hater?

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all their time, trying to make you look small so they can look tall. They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever good enough! When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing you blessed...It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given you what he gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone through to get what they have... The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story... If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too! We've all got some haters among us! People envy you because you can: Have a relationship with God! Light up a room when you walk in! Start your own business! Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn't about the right thing)! Raise your children without both parents being in the home! Haters can't stand to see you happy; Haters will never want to see you succeed; Haters never want you to get the victory, most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side? How do you handle your undercover haters? You can handle these haters by: 1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!) 2. Having a purpose to your life? Purpose does not mean having a job. You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you. 3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when it's your time to leave this earth, you 'want' to be able to say, 'I've lived my life and fulfilled 'my' dreams,... Now I'm ready to go HOME! When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at me...Look at Who is in charge of me...' - Maya Angelou.

I couldn’t have said this about haters any better. I look at so many people on myspace and face book talking about their haters and how their haters are their motivators. Maya Angelou couldn’t have said it any better!!! Be motivated by your purpose, be motivated by God and your promise to fulfill his word, don’t live your life trying to make others happy or better yet don’t live your life for your haters to hate on you. All you can do is pray for your haters, because they unlike you are living an unfulfilled life. How miserable is it to want and hate on someone’s life but not know or care to know the price the person paid to get where they are? Gnarls Barkley said it best, “My neighbor likes where I stay, but doesn’t know the price I pay; My neighbor like my clothes, but hadn’t seen me with my scars exposed.” I could easily hate on Halle Berry and her body, but let’s be real I’m not going to the gym three hours a day to look as good as she does. I could hate on Michelle Obama and her “perfect” family, but I don’t know what she has gone through to get there. I don’t know what she is going through now. Imagine loving a man and having a family but fearing that people want to harm them just because your family broke ground. I don’t think I can handle that. So my point is don’t let your haters turn you into a hater because you have decided to hate back on them, that’s what they want. They want to destroy you, your relationship with your family, your relationship with your friends, your relationship with your significant other, your success with your job or in school, your spirit and most importantly your relationship with God. Don’t give them that power.

Is love enough?

I wondered that sometimes. Is love enough to sustain a relationship? Is it enough to keep you holding on? I have found myself asking that question everyday for the last two years. Reflecting on my past relationships and trying to understand why I put up with what I put up with, I found that it was low self esteem. But during the times I was going through these trials I had convinced myself that “love” was all I needed and it was enough. But was it enough? Was it enough to ignore the emotional abuse I endured? Constantly hearing that I don’t deserve to be treated well because I messed up and he was doing me a favor just talking to me? Hearing I wasn’t good enough, happy enough, passive, I was too strong, too opinionated, complained more than the others even though I was treated the best. LOL!!! That makes me laugh now but low self esteem will have you doing some foolish things. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t appreciate this man the way I should surely he was a good man. I’m digressing and I will leave this for another entry. Back to the matter at hand, I wondered was love enough to allow myself to be pushed past a point where I had lost all respect for myself? I mean they say love is worth fighting for, right? But at some point I learned that particular battle was not worth the fight. At some point we have to realize that love cannot and will not keep a relationship together. Just because two people love each other does not mean they need to be together. Relationships have to have MUTUAL respect, understanding and it has to be headed toward the same outcome, i.e. you both have to want the same thing, and you can’t want a booty call while he is looking for a wife. It is a lesson I learned the hard way, trying to work it out for the sake of “my man” for the sake of our love, because I knew I could make him happy like no other and I knew he loved me more than those other ones, holding on to him for dear life, hoping that one day after all the waiting, after all the pain, after all the tears, and phone calls from other women telling me my man was their man, he would wake up and appreciate what he had in me and those other ones were just his play things and he would be finished playing. He would see I was a good woman and I was the only one that would make him happy just like he was the only one that could float my boat. It never happened and why would it he wasn’t ready to change. I didn’t hate him for it nor did I fault him because at the end of the day I put up with the bullshit. I have learned that people change when they are ready and if they feel it’s necessary. Sometimes you have to just let it go because if you don’t you will be waiting forever wasting your life away, slowly falling deeper and deeper into an abyss of self doubt and low self esteem. Falling so deep that you can never pull yourself out and you endure the mistreatment forever. There is a feeling that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but we have to pick and choose our battles. And if one day you say enough is enough and stop waiting for them to come around and begin to pick up the pieces, it doesn’t mean you love them any less it just means you love you much more.

I am not my hair!!

While I do love being natural and I think my hair is great I have learned that just as simply as I have a good hair day I can have a bad. And just like my hair grows one day through some traumatic event or just old age it can stop growing. My hair does not define me, it doesn't make me any doper than what I already am, my personality has not all of a sudden changed because I decided to stop relaxing it. I'm still the same, high-maintenance, somewhat neurotic, demanding, loyal and loving, crazy girl!!! So these are some misconceptions people have had of me in the few months I've been wearing my hair natural, I find it funny so I decided to share.
1) No I do not recite poetry. The Man up above did not bless me with the gift of spoken word and while I do write ALOT!! It's for my eyes only.
2) No I don't no where to find that good, matter of fact can you tell me, because I have no connects whatsoever.
3) Please I pray to Jesus above, stop asking me when I'm going to loc my hair. The answer will be never!!! I liken that to someone asking me when I was going to get a perm when I was wearing a relaxer. And not that anything is wrong with locs I just don't want them.
4) My political views still have not changed. I'm still a relatively conservative, sorry.
5) I do not make my own jewelry, candles, shoes or whatever. See number one, the Lord didn't bless me with the gift of creativity.
6) When I straighten my hair temporarily I am not being a traitor to my race. I just wanted a change can a sister be allowed to switch it up, shit I'm not trying to pass I think my brown skin is a dead giveaway.
7) Just because I wear a wig does not mean I am bald head and I hate my hair it just mean I wanted a temporary change.
8) I am not hating on you because your hair is straight and swinging in the wind. I don't hate on people it's stupid, I mean my hair swings in the wind too, just don't run your finger through it may get tangled in there.
9) Just because my hair changed doesn't mean my taste in men has. I still like them how I liked them before.
10) Last but certainly not least, get you damn hands out of my hair!!!! I am not a fur baby!!! I know it looks like a bush of thistles and you are surprised at how soft it is, but please keep your paws out of my hair before you draw back a nub!!!
So that's it!!! People hold too much value in hair, it's just freaking hair. If you want to press it, perm it, relax it, dye it, wig it, weave it, twist it, loc it, or just rock it how it in a fro do you!!! My only concession is you do it well!!! Peace and blessings

The start of breaking the cycle

Two or three years ago I told myself I would never deal with foolishness from a man ever again. I had had such a horrible experience with my ex, was through being a fool for love. I realized that at some point I had to love myself more than the situation, more than him, more than us. So I let him go truly and it was the hardest thing I had encountered at the time. I cried every night for weeks. For years I had let the relationship tear me down, his constant cheating made me question myself and my worth. What about me wasn’t good enough that he wouldn’t want to faithful to me. Was I not pretty enough? Was I too mean? Did I not smile enough? Or maybe my butt and hips weren’t round enough? Maybe I should have cooked for him that last time I was there, then maybe he wouldn’t have liked for the other one to do it? Was I not good enough to have a man of my own, one that would love me and only me. Then one day I realized I was worthy after years of comparing myself to women, I realized it had nothing to do with me, it was him. And even though I loved him, he wasn’t the one for me. I deserved more than just being number 1 on his totem pole of hoes. I deserved to be his only. So why am I letting history repeat itself? Why am I allowing myself to be one of many? I know the answer and it hurts to even admit it, but it’s so simple that it should be fixed, but so complicated that a band-aid is not enough to begin the process of healing. However slowly but surely I’m breaking my cycle of insanity.

The hair up there

October is halway here. I've continued this cycle of being in these crazy relationships. But that is unimportant right now, I don't want to focus on the negative today, it is saturday, I like to reserve being a Debbie Downer to the weekdays.



Right now what has been keeping me occupied and quite intrigued with myself is my hair. I've been natural since June I believe and I love it. I've been experimenting with natural styles. Right now I'm rocking a bad ass twist out.



I find it quite interesting how me being natural inspires other people to try to be natural or just be comfortable with themselves. Most people think that natural hair is ugly and not sexy, but when they see me I change their mind. They may still think that they couldn't pull it off, but I tell them all the time I felt that way until one day I said screw it and just went for it, if they like it on me they will probably like it on them. Women can be beautiful no matter what hairstyle they are rocking.

Greetings!!!

Albert Einstein says "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." Based on that definition I'm insane. My whole life I've pretty much done this, you know the kind of person who tries to work out friendships with people that have repeatedly hurt them. The kind of person that stays with a habitual cheater. The kind of person that as every semester passed, never studied and still expected A's. That's me!!! That's "The Tiffer" as my brother affectionately calls me. This blog will be a mix of my random rantings, raves about the things I love, and my breakthrough to becoming sane. Even though my insanity has brought me some fun times.