The start of breaking the cycle

Two or three years ago I told myself I would never deal with foolishness from a man ever again. I had had such a horrible experience with my ex, was through being a fool for love. I realized that at some point I had to love myself more than the situation, more than him, more than us. So I let him go truly and it was the hardest thing I had encountered at the time. I cried every night for weeks. For years I had let the relationship tear me down, his constant cheating made me question myself and my worth. What about me wasn’t good enough that he wouldn’t want to faithful to me. Was I not pretty enough? Was I too mean? Did I not smile enough? Or maybe my butt and hips weren’t round enough? Maybe I should have cooked for him that last time I was there, then maybe he wouldn’t have liked for the other one to do it? Was I not good enough to have a man of my own, one that would love me and only me. Then one day I realized I was worthy after years of comparing myself to women, I realized it had nothing to do with me, it was him. And even though I loved him, he wasn’t the one for me. I deserved more than just being number 1 on his totem pole of hoes. I deserved to be his only. So why am I letting history repeat itself? Why am I allowing myself to be one of many? I know the answer and it hurts to even admit it, but it’s so simple that it should be fixed, but so complicated that a band-aid is not enough to begin the process of healing. However slowly but surely I’m breaking my cycle of insanity.